Mystery Stella Theater Episode 01: Beast Wars, Part One - #2 a Beast Wars MST by Stella Quetzacotl First Created: Aug 31, 2002 Last Modified: Aug 31, 2002 ~~~~~Legal Stuff~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a work of fiction written for entertainment purposes only. All Beast Wars characters belong to Hasbro. All other characters belong to the author. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~Text Conventions~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Events/descriptions in the show are denoted by parenthases (). Dialogue from the show's characters are denoted by: (name): (dialogue). Dialogue from the MST'ers are the same except they have a tab in front. ~~~Begin Transmission~~~ ~~~~~Act Three~~~~~ (Camera fades in with an establishing shot on the two opposing sides, as Optimus, in beast mode, makes one last attempt at reason.) Optimus: We don't have to do this, Megatron. Gisei: Oh, yes we do. Optimus: There has been peace between the Maximals and Predacons for centuries. Why start this up again? Megatron: Peace perhaps on your side, Maximal scum. Yesss. But not on ours. Permit me to inform you that an enemy which appears to be peaceful may in fact be merely... biding its time. Ben: Confucius say, Predacons are like mosquitos - when they stop making noise, you know they're up to something. Gisei (cheerfully): Kind of like children. (Fast shot - Cheetor, still in robot mode. He's still behind cover between the two sides. He manages to rack back the cocking mechanism on his Quasar Cannon. The weapon beeps and begins to power up again.) Cheetor: Rowl. Finally! (Back on the two sides Megatron (beast mode) continues without noticing.) Megatron: We Predacons have never abandoned our rightful goal of galactic conquest. Noo. We have merely been waiting... for the right moment -- to STRIKE! Kagedenri: And then they got tired of waiting and decided to strike anyway. Hence *this* incident. (At that moment Cheetor leans out from behind the boulder with his Quasar Cannon trained.) Cheetor: Ya mean like THIS? (The cannon fires. The blast impacts on the underside of Megatron's scaly jaw, rocking the massive T-Rex backwards. The blast does a certain amount of surface damage. But the big Predacon leader recovers immediately, rubbing the smoking jawline with a foreclaw.) Gisei: Cheetor! That was dirty! Kagedenri: Cheap shot! Ben: What's wrong with that? Gisei: Nothing. We're just saying. Optimus: Cheetor! Megatron: Ah. A treacherous, underhanded sneak attack. I like you, pussycat. Yess. Ben: Makes friends easily, doesn't he? Gisei: Nothin' says friendship like a shot to the jaw. Megatron: But it shall avail you naught. Noo. For now the power- gauntlet has been cast. (Sudden roar) PREDACONS! TERRORIZE! All: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Kagedenri: Okay, we're terrorized. Can we go home now? Optimus (Rapid command to Maximals): Do it! MAXIMIZE! Ben (confused): Maximize what? Gisei: Maximize... vomit stains on the theater floor. Projector guy: You vomit, you clean it up, pal! (We enter a rapid series of spectacular transformations as the opponents on both sides transform into battle-ready Robot Mode.) Kagedenri: 'Spectacular'? We'll be the judge of that. Tarantulus: Tarantulus! TERRORIZE! (SCREECH) Ben: Ruined by his screechy voice-of-insanity. Five point zero. Rhinox: Rhinox! MAXIMIZE! (TRUMPET) Gisei: Wow... big. Six point five. Scorponok: Scorponok! TERRORIZE! (SCREECH) Kagedenri: Moronic hick accent. And what's with the green goggles? Four point five. Rattrap: Rattrap! MAXIMIZE! (CHITTER) Ben: His voice cracked. Rats just aren't impressive. Four point zero. Terrorsaur: Terrorsaur! Terrorize! (SCREECH) Gisei: Flying is the only thing he's got going for him. Three point zero. Megatron: Megatron! Terrorize! (BELLOW) Kagedenri: It'd be a lot more impressive if he wasn't that prissy shade of purple. Four point five. Optimus: Optimus! MAXIMIZE! (ROAR) Ben: It's Magilla Gorilla! Erm... five point five. (Wide Megatron (in gigantic Robot Mode) gives the command.) Ben (sophomoric giggle): Heh heh... 'Wide Megatron.' Gisei: Been hitting the energon a bit too much lately, have we? Megatron: Now... obliterate them. (The Predacons open fire with all their weapons. Missiles, lasers, and blast bolts streak through the air, smashing around the Maximals.) Ben (singing to the tune of 'It's Raining Men'): It's raining artillery! Hallelujah, it's raining artillery! Gisei: Put a sock in it! Ben (singing the same tune): It's raining socks! Hallelujah, it's raining socks! (Gisei hits him) Ow! (On Cheetor. He scrambles to run up toward the other Maximals, but a blast striking near him causes him to stumble. His robotic foot gets wedged into a crack in the stone!) Cheetor: Rrowl! I'm - I'm stuck! Kagedenri: I know exactly how you feel. Ben (sulky): You told me to put a sock in it, so I put a sock in it. Gisei: When I said 'it', I meant 'your mouth', not 'the song'. Now shut it. (On the Maximals (robot mode). Having taken cover behind some rock outcroppings as they return fire, Optimus points down toward Cheetor with one hand as he fires with the other.) Optimus: Rattrap! Help Cheetor! We'll cover you! Gisei (like a seargent in a war movie): Go go go go go! (Rattrap is crouched behind a boulder. A blast from the Predacons takes out a massive chunk of stone over his head.) Rattrap: Yeah, right! Optimus: That's an order, Rattrap! Gisei: Better listen to him, Rattrap. He's crazy. Ben (as the sherriff in 'Blazing Saddles'): Do what he say! Dooo what he saaaaaay! Rattrap: Yeah? An' you can kiss my skid plate, Fearless Leader. I ain't goin' out there an' gettin' MY pelt punctured! Kagedenri: I really am beginning to like this guy. (Optimus lets out a frustrated growl. Standing despite the firestorm blasting around them, he activates his shoulder jets and rockets into the air! The Predacons immediately concentrate all their fire on him.) Gisei: Oh, way to make yourself a target! Ben: I don't think we have any room to talk, Gisei. (The camera comes closer on Optimus and tracks him. Diving, rolling, and swooping, he manages to dodge most of the hellstorm blasting around him and plunges toward Cheetor. Camera now angles on Cheetor, still struggling to free his foot. Angle on Optimus diving toward him. Fast shot - Megatron. Taking careful aim - he fires!) (On Optimus - The shot blasts one of his jets. He falls.) Rhinox: Optimus! Rattrap (Yelling down): See! Told ya! (Rhinox glares at his friend.) Gisei: Bad idea. Baaaad idea. Kagedenri: Guy's begging for a smackdown. Ben: 'Smackdown?' *You* use the word 'smackdown?' Kagedenri: ... (On Optimus: He manages to land on his feet beside Cheetor, grabbing him with one arm and firing at the stone with the other. The stone shatters and Cheetor's foot is free.) (On Megatron, raging.) Megatron: Do NOT let them escape! (The other Predacons redouble their fire on Rhinox and Rattrap. Rhinox has grabbed the smaller Maximal by the back armor, lifting him.) Rattrap: Hey! Lemme down, ya big lummox! Rhinox: Cover fire, bro. They need it, we give it. Now. Rattrap: Awright! Awright! Ben: The irony is that Rattrap is now in more danger of getting hit than Optimus ever was. Kagedenri: Such are the fruits of cowardice. Gisei (muttering): Don't knock it 'till you've tried it... (He and Rhinox lay down a blistering hail of cover fire toward the Predacons. The camera angles on the Predacons. They are forced to duck and dodge the fire coming from Rhinox and Rattrap, but they still manage to get off a few shots of their own.) Gisei: Yay for them. (Camera goes back to Optimus and Cheetor. With Optimus supporting Cheetor, both race up the slope under fire towards their comrades. At the top, Optimus waves to the others as he and Cheetor run up.) Optimus: Back to the base! Let’s go, let’s go! Ben: Oh sure, follow Rattrap's example. Kagedenri (shouting): Come on! The Predacons are a bunch of pantywaists! You can take them! (The others turn and race off with them, headed for the trees. Back on the Predacons, Megatron is furious.) Megatron: After them! Go, you -- AAARGH! (Energon begins sparking and crackling over his robot form. Camera angles on Waspinator and Terrorsaur as they fall out of the sky and thud to the ground, the same effects playing over them.) Waspinator: Waspinator cannot move! Gisei: Well, thank goodness for small miracles. (Megatron is angry but helpless.) Megatron: Energon field build-up. Convert back to Beast Mode. Remorph! (Camera focuses on the Predacons. Before our eyes, they start to convert back to Beast Mode.) Kagedenri: Pussies! (Scene cuts to a jungle. Tight shot on Rattrap (beast form) as Optimus' gorilla hand clamps down on his neck and lifts him. All the Maximals are in Beast Mode now. Camera pulls back as Rattrap struggles in Optimus' stern grip. Both Optimus and Rattrap are on Rhinox's back as Cheetor lopes alongside.) Ben: Uh, oh. Daddy's very angry. Gisei: Ben? You realize that could be taken more than one way. Ben: Really? Cool! Rattrap: Awwwrk! What's got yer servos so bent? Optimus: Let's get one thing straight, Rattrap. I am Commander of this group. And when I give an order, I expect it to be obeyed. Gisei: Continuing the theme of dirty double-meanings... Kagedenri: Is it his fault you have a perverted mind? Gisei: Indirectly, yes. Rattrap: Oh, yeah. So I get vaped because you're too chicken to go yourself? Ben: Oh, look who's talking. Optimus: I will not give an order I would not be willing to do myself. But I was capable of giving you better cover fire. You were not. (He drops Rattrap in disgust. Rattrap rubs his neck sullenly.) Rattrap: Come on, what you shortin' about? We got outa there alive, didn't we? (As he says this, he rubs his head against Optimus's shoulder.) Gisei: See? SEE? Tell me there's no hidden innuendo here. Ben: There's no hidden innuendo here. Gisei: Shut up, Ben. (Optimus is surveying their path ahead. He speaks coldly, without looking back.) Optimus: But injured. It will take time for our beast forms to effect internal repairs. Rattrap: (muttering) Yeah, well, better you than me. (Camera focuses on Cheetor. He glances back as he lopes along.) Cheetor: I think we gave 'em the fade, Optimus. Gisei: 'Gave 'em the fade'? Ye gods, kid, who have you been hanging out with? (Back on Optimus, who's still alert. ) Optimus: Keep your sensors on full. According to the Golden Disk theft reports there were six Predacons. One of them was missing from the battle. Gisei: *More* Predacons? Geez, they're multiplying. Rattrap: Maybe he was destroyed in th’ crash. Kagedenri: Or maybe I'm the tooth fairy. Ben: Really? Rhinox: Nah. That kinda luck we ain’t been gettin' a lot of, lately. Gisei (as Rhinox): Having said that, we will now illustrate it by getting into yet another dangerous situation. Cheetor (Reacting ahead): Tell me about it. Look! Gisei: Hey, am I a genius or what? Ben & Kagedenri: What? (We are looking ahead to the natural stone bridge. Just ahead, Dinobot is visible there, standing on the bridge and glowering toward them.) (Camera comes back on the Maximals. They react, coming to a stop, with Optimus swinging down from Rhinox's back.) Rhinox: Should we blast 'im? Ben: That was my first instinct. Gisei: Which is probably why you're not a Maximal. Optimus: Keep that option open. But hang on. Kagedenri (as Optimus, being the Crocodile Hunter): I'm going to try to gain his trust by offering food. Ben (as Dinobot, being the crocodile): Hey, works for me. Dinobot: Attention Maximals! Gisei: Aboouuut face! Forwaaard march! (Camera angles on Dinobot, who is facing them in a challenging pose.) Dinobot: My name is Dinobot. I have left the Predacons to join your group - as leader. Gisei: Ah - considering the luck Optimus has had, I don't think you wanna do that, pal. (The Maximals react to this.) Cheetor: What? Did I hear the word leader? Rhinox: Dude's got bearings of chrome steel. Kagedenri: And a head of solid rock. (Back on Dinobot again. He raises his claws challengingly.) Dinobot: I hereby challenge you, Optimus Primal, to a one-on-one battle. The winner shall lead the Maximals... (Camera pushes in on him.) Dinobot: And the loser - shall be destroyed! Ben: Bum bum bummmmm! Kagedenri: Allow me to propose an edit. Ahem. (as Dinobot) And the loser - shall be given a monumental wedgie! Gisei: All in favor? All: Aye! (Camera angles on the Maximals as they react.) Gisei: Sorry, boys. The ayes hath it. Fade out End Act Three End of Part One ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Yet again the theater goes dark.) Ben: Is that it? Are we finished? Gisei: We're finished. Kagedenri: We are *definitely* finished. Ben: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Gisei: Glad you recover so easily, Ben. As for myself, if you need me, I'll be in the next room trying to bash my head in with a hammer. (Guards #2 and #3 escort the three out of the theater.) ~~~End Transmission~~~ (A few days later...) (Scene: the bunker shared by Gisei and Ben. Gisei is sitting on his bed, reading a book, when Ben bursts in. His face is red with exertion and contorted with distress. In his fist he clutches a piece of paper.) Ben: Gisei! You're not gonna believe this! Gisei: I'll be the judge of that. (Ben hands Gisei the paper. Gisei pores over it, reading it aloud.) Gisei (as Captain Stella): Dear boys; I would like to congratulate you on the wonderful job you did at MST a few days ago. It was a big hit with the customers. As a reward, I have added regular MSTing to your permanent duty roster. Keep up the good work! (as himself) Well, that was nice of her - wait a minute! (Ben & Gisei look at each other, wearing identical horrified expressions.) (We pull back to a wide shot of the SpaceCadet, floating in space all peaceful-like.) Ben & Gisei's voices: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!