Surefire Ways to Commit Suicide in the Anime Multiverse
by Stella Quetzacotl
First created: Aug 13, 2002
Last modified: Aug 20, 2002

~~~~~Legal Stuff~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a work of fiction written for entertainment purposes only.  All
characters appearing here are the property of their respective owners.
Frankly, I'm too lazy to list 'em all.  Although come to think of it, 
telling, say, Vegeta that he's the property of *anybody* is a good way 
to commit suicide too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In Dragonball Z:
1. Steal Vegeta's food.
2. Attempt to collect the dragonballs.  When asked why, answer: "To try
	to take over the world!"
3. Mess with Chichi.  In any way.
4. When a bad guy has you, whine and scream and try to bargain for your
	life.  Estimated time before someone puts you out of your 
	misery: 5 sec.
5. Ask Piccolo if it's easy being green.
6. Be Son Goku.  Everyone wants to kill the poor sap.

In Sailor Moon:
1. Attempt to look up Sailor Uranus's skirt.
2. Ask Tuxedo Mask if he really has any superpowers or if he's just a
	prissy guy in a cape.
3. Be talented, pretty, dorky, or in any other way stand out from the
	norm.  Bad guys will flock to you like geese.
4. Ambush random passerby and declare you are 'stealing their energy.'
5. Have anything with a moon, a crystal, or wings on it in your 
	possession.

In Gundam Wing:
1. Wear a uniform.  Any uniform at all.  An elementary school uniform,
	even.  Trust me, if you're wearing something everyone else is
	wearing, you're asking for it.
2. Pilot any mass-produced mobile suit; i.e, any mobile suit besides a 
	Gundam.  Unless you're Zechs or Noin.
3. Volunteer to be the 'victim' in Trowa Barton's knife throwing act.
	Distract him with loud farts and obnoxious comments.
4. Demand to pilot Epyon, with Zero System activated.  Not only will 
	you die, you will die in spectacular style.
5. Sneak up behind Wufei and scream, "Nataku Lives!"
6. Take over a colony.  Start a war.  Justify all this with the most
	inane political platform you can think of.

In Tenchi Muyo: 
1. Show any romantic interest in Tenchi whatsoever.
2. Enter Washu's lab without first making sure she's not in an 
	'experimenting' mood.
3. Let any *other* demons that might be hanging around out of their 
	shrines.
4. Force Tenchi into a sword duel with you.  Especially if you kidnap
	Ayeka.
5. Get in any vehicle where Mihoshi is driving. 
6. Mess with Tenchi's mother's kimono.

In Ranma 1/2: 
1. Show romantic interest in ANYBODY.
2. Threaten Akane in any way.  You'll have practically every male in
	Nerima gunning for you.
3. Volunteer to be Principal Kuno's toady.
4. Sneak up behind Ranma and meow loudly.
5. Eat anything that wasn't cooked by Kasumi, Cologne, or Ukyo. 
	ESPECIALLY things cooked by Akane or Kodachi.

In Beast Wars: 
1. Hide inside a stasis pod, and when a Maximal or Predacon comes out
	to open it, jump out and yell "BOO!"
2. Make kissy noises whenever Black Arachnea and Silverbolt get near
	each other (especially BEFORE Black Arachnea joins the 
	Maximals).
3. Better yet - make kissy noises whenever Black Arachnea and Cheetor
	get near each other.  For a more painful death, Cheetor and
	Silverbolt.
4. Befriend the proto-humans and lead them in a revolt against both
	factions of Transformers.  Your main weapon should be rotten
	fruit and stinging insects.
5. Attempt to make Dinobot like you by talking to him incessantly.
6. Get Waspinator to let you ride on his back.  If he doesn't manage to
	dump you at five thousand feet, sooner or later someone's going
	to plant him with a missile.

In Final Fantasy 7:
1. Swallow a Lightning Materia... now think about lightning.  ZAP!
2. Drag a string in front of Red XIII.
3. Live in Midgar.  ESPECIALLY the slums.
4. Volunteer to be Hojo's new guinea pi- um, assistant.
5. Piss off Sephiroth.  Or Cloud.  Or Vincent.  Or Barret.  Basically
	anyone with rudimentary Materia knowledge or fighting ability
	can kill you.
6. Be a Cetra.